Woman Wakes Up At Her Funeral Only To Die From Shock

Most mortal angst usually surrounds falling from fatal heights or burial before we’ve kicked the bucket. The passing of an ill-fated 49-year old Russian woman today, however, assigned death and dying a whole new realm of horrific possibilities. Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, the woman who died while in her coffin at her funeral, gave croaking a new  ‘freak accident’ capacity. After collapsing in her home due to unbearable chest pains, doctors falsely declared Mukhametzyanov deceased. The malpracticed medics were quickly made aware of their deadly diagnosis when the woman gained enough conciousness to open her eyes, realize that she was lying in a coffin and begin screaming in the middle of her funeral. Due to the shock of her family’s premature eulogy presentation, Mukhametzyanov suffered a heart attack and died in the coffin that she should have never entered. Husband of the victim, Fagili, describes how the doctors’ original lapse in judgement turned out to be lethal, “Her eyes fluttered and we immediately rushed her back to the hospital but she only lived for another 12 minutes in intensive care before she died again, this time for good. I am very angry and want answers. She wasn’t dead when they said she was and they could have saved her.” Hospital spokesman Minsalih Sahapov claims the hospital staff is ‘carrying out an investigation’, but no novel discovery can restore the pulse of this coffin-shocked corpse. After one pseudo fatality and a hysteria-induced demise, the woman’s now a medical martyr for death mistaken. We can only hope that those already six feet under don’t toss and turn confusedly in the surrounding dirt before also perishing in their panic.