Who has Control Rights for the Remote Control?

Who has Control Rights for the Remote Control?
The question often comes up about the use of one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century, the Remote Control. Fifty years after Remote Controls became available to the general public, there are still some people who don’t understand how to determine who ‘rules the remote.’

With the wide selection of Neflix, Hulu, and other digital entertainment we have today, nothing can turn  a pleasant television viewing experience into chaos and calamity faster than the faux paux of touching and/or using a remote control if you do not have the precedent, legal or moral justification to have possession of it.

The “Remote Control Rights” hierarchy is simple, and has proven, over time, to work out the best for everyone involved.

In order, here is the line of secession for use of the Remote Control in the multi-person environment:

# 1. The oldest male in the room is always the first to decide what everyone else in the room is going to watch. This is true even if the oldest male is a “guest”.

In the event of “inappropriate” material on the television screen, any female may complain loudly, and ultimately be allowed to unplug or turn off the television set, if she gets a “female majority vote” to turn it off. A majority of ‘one’ is all that is needed.

If the oldest male person falls asleep, or appears senile in his selections, a vote should be taken among the remaining younger males as to whether or not the remote control should be given to the next oldest male.

At any time, the oldest male in the room may choose to give control of the remote control to any male in the room, or even a female (suggested listed below), although he retains “give it back” rights until he falls asleep or reaches senility.

However, the remote control MAY NOT be given to any female if any of the remaining males, as listed in #4 below, wish to retain the remote control controls.

# 2. The next oldest male may pick up the remote control and use it if the oldest male leaves the room, becomes incapacitated, falls asleep, or if the oldest gets up “even for a minute” to go to the bathroom or refrigerator.

Upon returning to his sitting position, the oldest may demand remote control control at his discretion, however the remote control remains in the possession of the current holder until the oldest male declares otherwise. This is true even if a female has the remote control!

# 3. The above two steps continue until there is no longer a male in the room old enough to count to, and read the number 699*.

*Some households may adopt a different number, depending on the television and cable/digital disc channels available. In the event of a vote being taken on this issue, all of the permanent members of the household vote for such number, and everyone’s (male and female) vote have equal value.

In the event of a tie, the oldest awake, non-senile male’s “second vote” is to be used as a tie breaker. He may “switch” his second vote from his initial vote, if he chooses.

# 4. After all of the males in the room have left, fallen asleep, gotten senile, or become incapacitated in any other way, a female may be placed in charge of the remote control.

Although households may change the rules by democratic vote (as listed above), here is the suggested female succession list:

Starting with the oldest female child under the age of eighteen, the full remote control rights continue to the youngest qualified child (as described above for males).

Once all of the males, and the youngest females have either fallen asleep or left the room, the remote control control next goes to the youngest female eighteen or older, and progresses to oldest female who is not afraid of electronic “gadgets”, like the remote control.