Teen Mom’s Amber Portwood has been through a lot since being pregnant in the public eye, so much in fact, that she decided to quit her court-ordered rehab in favor for jail time…five years to be exact.
“In my situation, I felt in the program there were a lot of eyes on me. And it was very uncomfortable. I was not using my anti-psych medication even,” Portwood told ABC News on Wednesday during her jailhouse interview. “You know, I was very depressed, all alone, all bitter at everybody. I felt like that wasn’t the life I wanted to live, I felt like I’d rather do my time, and get it over with, and make the best out of the situation that’s been handed to me.”
But Portwood, 22, says it wasn’t just the program. She explains:
“It was the fact of being alone. It was personal. You know being alone, feeling like you’re hopeless, you have nothing, feeling like an addict and you’re never going to change, even though in your mind you’re working so hard but every time you get to court it’s not good enough.”
She’s felt so alone that she’s tried to kill herself more than once, attempting to overdose on pills in the last attempt. “I took 30 Suboxone within three days,” she said. “The depression took over. I’d just take four to five at a time underneath my tongue, and nod out. I had more than addiction problems. I had, you know, mental problems, too.”
Amber plans on making the most of her time behind bars, getting her life back together for her daughter.
“I’m not just going to sit,” she said. “I’m going to substance-abuse classes. I’m going to get my GED. There’s nothing lower than trying to kill yourself. That’s why it’s probably hard to understand why I did what I did. But when you mentally know that, you’re not right. You’re 22, and you tried to take your life twice. And you’re 22, and you’re still here, you don’t want to mess that up.”